May 2012
195 posts
@hyj
My phone is hiding somewhere at the moment.. :x
I really want you to look at my tumblr,
but at the same time I don’t. I want you to see what I think about you, but I don’t want to expose what you do to me. I want you to know how many posts I put up of you, but I don’t want you to know how much I think about you. I want you to see how much I hurt because of you, but I don’t want to be vulnerable to you anymore. I want you to know that I still care, but I don’t want you to take advantage again.
I want you to know and see that this tumblr, the posts I reblog, are mostly about how I think about you, and I want you to then tell me you’re sorry for everything and mean it with everything you have. I want you to tell me to listen to a song, like you did before, and say that the song says everything you ever wanted to say. I just want you to tell me everything will be like it used to, whether its just a friendship or something more, where we would stay up all night talk about nothing to everything. Listening to each other’s problems while the other cries. Making stupid promises with each other.
I want things like the way it was before, but it won’t. It can’t. We’ve been through so much shit with each other that it can’t be like the innocent relationship we had. I’ve been hurt too many times by you as I listen to you describe how this girl or that girl is so perfect for you while you were blind to see that I would have done anything and everything for you. My feelings for you are mixed and confusing. I really love you, but I don’t. I want you, but I don’t. One minute I’m stuck thinking about you and wondering if you’re okay, the next I want to erase your existence from my life. I don’t know how I feel about you at all. I’m angry, confused, depressed. But one thing is for sure.
Even though I do not know how I feel towards you whether its love or nothing, I know that I do care about you, a whole damn lot, and I miss you.
